Wow.

Baby Liliana and I :)

Today was a whirl-wind emotional day. We were blessed enough to go to the Chinese Starfish Foster Home and OH MY GOODNESS. it is amazing. the work that they are doing for these Chinese babies is amazing. Today was a VERY special day at the Starfish Foster Home. It was the day they went to pick up new babies. Amanda was gracious enough to let me go with them and even "choose" a baby. Let me explain, best I can what today was to me....
Broken. I am so very broken. In many ways from many things, but one is God has broken me. For the Orphan and today I was shattered into pieces. Completely and totally. I walked into a small room where so many babies were laying waiting for someone or something and I had to choose one. In the corner of the room was a tiny baby which automatically stole my heart. I told Amanda "This one...can we please take this one" she must have known I was not going to leave her or just agreed because she allowed this little baby girl. I took the layers of blankets off of the tiny baby and picked her up. She was so tiny, but so much awaited that little girl. SO much was waiting and so much is going to be available to this little girl now because of Amanda. It might have been the best feeling in the world to carry her out in my arms. But it was also the most sickening-gut wrenching feeling in the world to leave so many behind. I feel so helpless. So small and so very just unimportant. I felt like I was emptying the ocean with a dropper. Our adoptions have changed the lives for 3 children. Which is amazing, truly it is...but there are 163 million others that wait. That have no hope. It made me that much more grateful for Ainsley Ting and to see where she is through love. Today was a good day. just hard. I am so ridiculously blessed. When we got to Amanda's I got to name this precious baby. Her name is now Liliana and she is SO loved. I watched them bathe and dress her and give her a bottle. I saw what love looks like in the face of a child. I am changed. Forever and Ever.